First of all let me state that I usually love new! New clothes, rearranging the house for a new look, really new anything. I am a woman of change and to me something new brings a bit of change. So one would think that a person such as this would like New Years! Well that has not always been the case. Usually I dread the new year, not knowing really why, maybe I get a little sad at the year ending and feeling a little fearful of what lies ahead. Maybe I didn't quite feel successful in the past and feel a little overwhelmed about starting "new goals". Well for what ever reason, this year seems a bit different. I have had yet another change in perspective.
I rolled over in bed the other morning and said what seems to me few words for such a big statement in my heart. "I need you Lord, I really really need you". And so my "new" year began! God has been wonderful and been showing up in wonderful ways. He has been showing me the condition of my heart and my sin. Probably seems strange that a person would want to talk about their sin, but it really is a relief to know He is still working on me and He doesn't ever let me go. Him showing me the sin in my life means He loves me and He is showing me how much by showing me my sin. Plus I get to change (for the better).....which remember I love!
So what did I realize? Well I realized that I have been discontent. Discontent with the way my God has provided for me. So now I'm trying to be grateful and find the positive, giving thanks (verbally) for what I have. Something else....I way didn't realize is how I've made my circumstances "gods" in my life. Like for example...where I live, getting out of debt, my wardrobe, simply what I have or don't have. When I say "gods" I mean I was putting caring for these things before Him. Like my husband says "when my relationship with him is not so good everything else seems blown out of proportion, and when it is good everything seems put in their place. Which brings me to another thing I realized. My lack of faithfulness to Him. Good thing he's faithful regardless. It really doesn't take much to love Him in ways of reading (knowing Him) and praying (conversing with Him). Probably the one biggest things I allow to be stolen away from my life.
Sharing these things is great for me. It causes me to understand my weakness and His strength. He is a good God and I am most of all grateful to have him in my life as my God! These things I mentioned are some of the goals God has lead me to work on in the new year. I acknowledge the need to repent of my sin....which is a process and I lean on His strength to change me.
My heart is His.He is the potter, I am the clay.