I've been struggling with motivation lately. So trying to figure out what's wrong with me has actually helped me draw closer to God. I've been trying to lay some things down. Mainly dreams and expectations. Not realizing holding on to my "dream" for our life has become an idol. I've been making decisions and living in discontentment due to thinking this "dream" IS going to happen. It has robbed me of my life in the "now". It has made me a disgruntled person. It has made me frustrated almost on a daily basis. It has contributed to my anger. In short it really has made me not enjoy life.
I am giving this up, laying it down. It's kind of weird, because now I'm actually having to rethink my days. I've spent so much brain power on this with out even realizing it. I feel more free in the last couple of days than I have in a long time. For a long time I haven't lived in the here and now so to speak. I think I'm enjoying this new thought. It's hard and it's a work in progress, but slowly He is teaching me. I enjoyed today and the thought, that I don't have to do anything except that, has brought me gladness.
Today I actually felt relaxed. I enjoyed my children. I didn't feel all frustrated with time constraints. I'm sure I've done this many times, but today it felt different. My mind has been feed up. I hope and pray it continues to get better. I know I'm on the healing end of this.
Pray for me!